Positive relationships are a key part of a child’s development. Building connections with those around them helps to support children’s physical, social, and emotional well-being, while also giving them opportunities to learn how to communicate, develop trust, and navigate relationships. As children grow, they gain more independence, which means that their relationships with peers become even more important. Friendships bring companionship and encouragement, but they also give children a space to share experiences, work through challenges, and better understand themselves. This Friendship Month at Western Youth Services, we’re taking a closer look at the connection between friendship and mental health and what adults can do to help children build healthy connections.
Some children have no problem making friends, some do. Anxiety, stress, difficult experiences, or challenges with social and emotional skills can make it harder to connect with other children or feel like they “fit in.” Understanding the connection between healthy friendships and youth mental health can help parents, caregivers, educators, and other adults recognize when a child may need additional support.
Why Friendship Matters
Research has shown the benefits of friendship and the value of meaningful relationships while growing up. A study involving 963 teens ranging in age from 13 to 18, found that teens who reported stronger, higher-quality friendships tended to have better mental health. The relationship between friendship quality and mental health was nearly three times stronger than the relationship between social media use and mental health.
Friendships aren’t important only during the teenage years. A 2025 study of students aged 7 to 11 took a close look at friendship reciprocity, stability, and quality and their relationship to children’s social and emotional experiences. Research like this shows that childhood friendships are extremely valuable, especially for emotional development in children as they learn to navigate relationships and understand themselves and others.
When Connection Feels Difficult
We understand that not every friendship is healthy or easy. Children might face rejection, experience conflict, struggle with bullying, or feel excluded. Cameron, one of our patients, experienced this while starting a new school year. He struggled with being back in the classroom, and would leave class crying almost daily. His anxiety caused him to feel uncomfortable at school and made it even harder to make connections with those around him.
Through therapy provided by Western Youth Services, Cameron learned to express his fears and social anxiety, practice self-calming techniques, and manage his anxious thoughts. The more comfortable he became, the less he stopped asking to leave. He was able to form positive friendships, and even began looking forward to going to school.
Cameron’s experience shows why youth mental health support can play a vital role in helping children build relationships. When children have the tools to manage difficult emotions and a safe place to talk about what they’re feeling, they have an easier time participating, connecting with others, and forming those positive friendships.
What We Might Not See
When a child finds it hard to connect with other children, it’s easy to solely focus on the behavior they’re exhibiting. In most cases, it’s noticeable when children withdraw from peers, avoid activities, become easily overwhelmed, or have trouble expressing their needs. While these need to be addressed, there could also be underlying behaviors that adults don’t immediately see.
Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACEs, are potentially stressful or traumatic experiences that can occur during childhood. ACEs could be things like: abuse, neglect, and household challenges. All of these can impact a child’s development and affect their mental and physical health long-term.
Experiencing adversity doesn’t determine a child’s future. Supportive relationships, safe environments, and having access to resources can help children build resilience and move forward. A trauma-informed approach gives adults another way to understand what they’re seeing and consider what a child might need instead of going off of assumptions.Instead of asking why a child won’t make friends, adults could consider whether that child feels safe, has experienced rejection or exclusion, is dealing with stress at home, or needs help putting their feelings into words. They can also look for strengths and relationships that can be built upon.
Western Youth Services’ ACEs Expertise program helps professionals develop a deeper understanding of Adverse Childhood Experiences and toxic stress. The program covers topics including: screening, early detection and intervention, clinical assessment, patient education, and treatment planning to help professionals incorporate trauma-informed approaches into their work.
Building Healthy Friendships
There isn’t one way for children to make friends, and adults don’t necessarily need to force the process. Creating opportunities around a child’s interests can give them natural ways to meet others, whether that means joining a team, trying an activity, spending time with a small group, or connecting with another child who has a similar interest. These experiences can help children develop positive peer relationships in ways that feel natural and comfortable for them.
Children also need opportunities to learn what makes a friendship healthy. Talking about kindness, respect, trust, boundaries, and conflict helps children better understand what they should expect from their relationships. Adults can practice everyday situations with the child such as: joining a conversation, handling disagreements, apologizing, or recognizing when someone wants space.
It’s also important to pay attention when something seems different. A child that typically enjoys spending time with their friends might start pulling away, avoiding activities, or asking to go home more often. These changes don’t necessarily mean there’s an issue with a friendship, but they can be a reason to check in. Taking a few minutes to ask what’s going on could help a child open up about something they’ve been dealing with.
Strengthening the Support Around Children
Children also benefit when the adults around them understand the role friendships play in their well-being. Parents and caregivers might be the first people to notice a change, but they aren’t the only ones who can help. Teachers, therapists, coaches, and youth program staff can all encourage positive relationships, help children work through conflict, and create opportunities for them to connect with others. When adults work together and pay attention to what a child is experiencing, they can help children feel supported as they build friendships and learn what healthy relationships look like.
Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, educator, youth-serving professional, or community member, there are ways to support the children around you. Click here to browse our programs, resources, and training opportunities to learn more about children’s mental health and find ways to strengthen the support you provide.
Western Youth Services works hard to protect the privacy of the children we help. As such, the names of our clients are changed.
Sources:
- https://echochildren.org/for-teens-mental-health-strong-friendships-matter-more-than-social-media-use-nih-study-finds/
- https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/01987429251349115
- https://www.cdc.gov/aces/about/index.html
- https://www.westernyouthservices.org/aces-expertise/
- https://www.westernyouthservices.org/
- https://www.chconline.org/resourcelibrary/healthy-friendships-in-adolescence/
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6587842/
