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When Children Grieve Changes That Others Can’t Always See

Coping with grief isn’t a textbook experience. For children and teens, grief can show up through changes in behavior, difficulty concentrating, anxiety, withdrawal, or struggles expressing emotions. Grief is more likely to be associated with the loss of a loved one, but children also experience grief after traumatic experiences, major life transitions, displacement, and the loss of stability or connection. On National Grief Awareness Day, it’s important to deepen your understanding of the many ways children experience grief and the support they need to heal.

Supporting a Child Through Loss, Trauma, and Change

15-year-old Carter was accessing support through Western Youth Services’ school-based services. His grief was deeply connected to trauma, loss, and the challenge of rebuilding a sense of safety in a new environment. After arriving in the United States from Mexico, he was referred to Western Youth Services after experiencing difficulty with concentration, anxiety, and flashbacks following the tragic murder of his mother. His loss was felt far beyond the death of a parent. He also was suddenly forced to handle the loss of his primary support system, the familiarity of his home, and the stability he once knew. Alongside this trauma, he carried the impact of childhood abuse and struggled with feelings of low self-esteem.

Carter had a difficult time opening up about what he had experienced when he initially started going to therapy. He was understandably hesitant to bring up what he had gone through and chose to keep many of his emotions guarded. Over time, therapy became a safe space where he didn’t have to “hold it together” or feel pressure to appear strong. Through ongoing trauma-informed counseling, he began processing his experiences at a pace that felt comfortable for him. He started using strategies like journaling and self-care to challenge intrusive thoughts, manage difficult emotions, and strengthen his emotional resilience. Today, Carter continues to share that therapy gives him a rare opportunity to be himself, express his emotions, and focus on healing in a supportive environment.

Understanding How Children Experience Grief

Children process grief differently depending on their age, experiences, relationships, and support systems. Grief can affect a child’s emotions, behaviors, physical health, relationships, and daily routines. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children who experience the death of a loved one can experience changes in mood, behavior, sleep, appetite, school performance, and relationships as they adjust to their loss. The American Academy of Pediatrics also highlights that children rely on supportive adults and healthy coping strategies to help them navigate grief. While every child’s response is unique, consistent support, open communication, and opportunities to express emotions play an important role in helping children process loss and begin healing.

For children who experience grief along with pre-existing trauma, the impact can feel even more heavy. Research on childhood adversity shows that traumatic experiences, including violence, abuse, and the loss of a caregiver, can influence how children respond to stress and relationships. A 2025 study published in The Journal of Pediatric Psychology found that childhood bereavement is associated with increased emotional and behavioral challenges, highlighting the importance of early support and access to mental health resources. The way grief manifests isn’t always clear. A child who’s struggling might seem withdrawn, experience changes in behavior, lose interest in activities they once enjoyed, or seem more anxious than usual. Through a trauma-informed approach, mental health professionals focus not only on what happened to a child, but also on understanding how those experiences continue to affect their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

Helping Children Cope With Grief

Healing from grief takes time, patience, and support. Clinicians use different approaches based on each child’s unique experiences and needs. Guidance from organizations like the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Psychological Association Division 53, and the Kids Mental Health Foundation highlights several strategies that support children as they process grief including:

  • Journaling and Creative Expression – Writing, drawing, and other forms of creative expression provide children with an outlet for emotions they might not feel ready to discuss. Journaling helps children reflect on their experiences, organize their thoughts, and express difficult feelings in a way that feels comfortable.
  • Grounding Techniques – When children experience anxiety, flashbacks, or overwhelming emotions connected to trauma, grounding techniques help them reconnect with the present moment. Strategies such as deep breathing, identifying things they see and hear around them, and using their five senses are commonly used in trauma-informed counseling to support emotional regulation.
  • Maintaining Routines and Connection – After a significant loss, familiar routines provide children with a sense of stability and security. Maintaining daily activities, staying connected with trusted adults, and creating opportunities for conversation help children feel supported while navigating change.
  • Naming and Validating Emotions – Children need reassurance that their feelings are understandable. Helping children identify emotions and acknowledging their experiences creates a supportive environment where they feel safe expressing what they’re going through.
  • Practicing Self-Care and Building Resilience – Healthy coping strategies, including physical activity, rest, mindfulness practices, and time with supportive people, help children strengthen emotional resilience. These tools don’t remove grief, but they provide healthy ways to navigate difficult moments and build confidence in managing emotions.

The Connection Between Grief, Trauma, and ACEs

Grief is connected to experiences that impact a child’s sense of safety and well-being. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) include potentially traumatic events such as abuse, neglect, violence, and the loss of a caregiver. Research shows these experiences can influence mental health, relationships, and responses to stress. Western Youth Services’ ACEs Expertise program helps communities better understand the impact of childhood adversity and trauma while promoting approaches that support healing and resilience.

Through education, training, and trauma-informed practices, WYS works to strengthen systems of care and create environments where children and families receive meaningful support. Understanding ACEs helps providers look beyond behaviors and recognize the experiences that shape a child’s emotional world. This perspective allows clinicians to build trust, provide individualized mental health treatment, and support children as they develop healthy coping skills.

How Parents and Caregivers Can Support a Grieving Child

Supporting a grieving child doesn’t require having every answer. The most important thing parents and caregivers can do is create a safe space where children feel heard, supported, and accepted.

Helpful ways to provide support include:

  • Listening without rushing a child’s healing process
  • Allowing children to express emotions in ways that feel comfortable for them
  • Reassuring children that their feelings are valid
  • Keeping routines consistent whenever possible
  • Paying attention to changes that interfere with school, relationships, or daily activities
  • Seeking professional support when additional guidance is needed

Grief counseling and trauma-informed counseling provide children with a space to process difficult experiences alongside a trained mental health professional much like what’s offered through WYS.

Additional Grief Resources for Families

Families navigating grief don’t have to do it alone. The following organizations offer trusted, research-informed guidance to help children, teens, and caregivers better understand grief and find additional support.

Grief doesn’t follow a designated timeline. Every child’s healing journey will look different. With the right support, children can learn to process difficult emotions, strengthen resilience, and rebuild a sense of safety while living with grief. Through One Door Any Door®, grief counseling, mental health treatment, and trauma-informed counseling, Western Youth Services helps children and families navigate grief, trauma, and life’s most challenging transitions.

Western Youth Services works hard to protect the privacy of the children we help. As such, the names of our clients are changed.

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