Anticipating a parent or caregivers return from deployment can look like counting down the days until they’re finally home. While that’s what is seen on the surface, what’s not seen are those unexplainable feelings that a child may be experiencing. Things like the knot in their stomach before bedtime, the frustration that seems to come out of nowhere, or just how strange it feels when the person they’ve missed so much is actually home and family life still doesn’t feel quite normal.
This Veterans Day, it’s worth remembering that military family support extends beyond just the adults who serve. Their children need the space to talk about their experiences, trusted adults who take their feelings seriously, and access to mental health resources when life starts feeling like a bit too much. As we honor the veterans who have bravely served our country, we also recognize the families who have shared in that experience and the important role they play in one another’s lives.
What Military Family Challenges Can Look Like
Some children talk openly about missing a parent. Others keep busy, act out, or insist everything is fine. A child might seem more irritable than usual, lose interest in activities, have trouble sleeping, or start falling behind at school. These changes don’t automatically signal a mental health concern, but they’re worth noticing, especially when they persist. The Kids Mental Health Foundation highlights how deployments, relocations, and changes in family routines can affect children’s emotional well-being. Even a change they may have wanted can still take some getting used to. For instance, a parent’s homecoming is exciting, but it coexists with the challenge of adjusting to one another again.
The National Military Family Association’s 2024 Military Teen Experience Survey offers another reason to pay attention: just 8% of surveyed military teens reported high mental well-being, while 35% reported low mental well-being. The survey also found that 13% of respondents who needed mental health care couldn’t access it. These numbers don’t tell every child’s story, but they underscore the importance of making mental health support for military families easier to find and access.
What Caregivers Can Do When a Child Is Having a Hard Time
You don’t need a perfect response every time your child has a difficult day. Small, consistent actions often make a much bigger difference than one lengthy conversation.
- Ask, then listen. Instead of “How was your day?” try asking what they’ve missed about home, what they’re looking forward to, or what’s been bothering them lately. Give them time to answer without jumping straight into advice. If they shrug it off, leave the door open and check in again another day.
- Keep a few things familiar. Bedtime stories, Sunday pancakes, a regular video call with a deployed parent, or another small family ritual can provide a sense of continuity. When a move or deployment disrupts the usual routine, let your child help decide what new tradition to keep.
- Let mixed feelings exist. A child can miss a parent and feel angry about their absence. They can be excited about moving and sad to leave friends behind. Resist the urge to talk them out of those feelings. Acknowledging both sides helps children understand that they don’t have to feel one particular way about a complicated situation.
- Bring in other trusted adults. Teachers, school counselors, relatives, and coaches may notice changes that aren’t as obvious at home. If your family is going through a major transition, letting a trusted school staff member know can help them better understand what your child might be experiencing.
If changes in mood, sleep, behavior, or school performance continue, consider speaking with a mental health professional. Things don’t have to reach a breaking point to ask for guidance. Prevention and early intervention is key in these circumstances.
Extra Support Might Be Necessary
A child’s emotional health is shaped by more than one experience. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), which include potentially traumatic events such as abuse, neglect, and certain forms of household dysfunction, can affect well-being over time. Military service or deployment isn’t automatically seen as an ACE, and military-connected children don’t all experience trauma. Although this is true, a child might need additional attention when family transitions overlap with other difficult circumstances.
A study published in Military Medicine examined national survey data on children’s health and mental health needs in relation to caregiver military service. Research like this reinforces the importance of understanding each child’s circumstances rather than making assumptions about what they’re experiencing. Counseling can be an effective tool to sort through difficult emotions, practice coping skills, and talk about things they may not feel ready to share at home. It can also give caregivers guidance on how to respond when a child’s needs are harder to grasp.
Accessible Mental Health Support in Orange County
For families in Orange County, Western Youth Services (WYS) offers several ways to connect children and caregivers with mental health resources.
- School-Based Services connect eligible students with support through participating schools. Depending on the program, services may include prevention, early intervention, skill-building, and counseling.
- Mental Health Clinics offer outpatient mental health services for eligible children and youth, with care tailored to individual and family needs.
- One Door Any Door® helps Orange County families connect with appropriate mental health services and resources through WYS and its collaborative network.
These services aren’t exclusive to military families, but they can be a great place to start for caregivers looking for guidance when a child’s emotional well-being needs more attention.
Military-connected children may not always tell you when something feels hard. Sometimes it shows up in a missed assignment, a short temper, or a child who suddenly doesn’t want to talk. Taking those changes seriously, without making assumptions, can help open the conversation. Recognizing the experiences of military-connected children is one way we can continue showing up for the families who have given so much alongside those who serve. If you’re concerned about a child’s emotional or behavioral well-being, contact Western Youth Services to learn more about available resources.
Sources:
- https://www.kidsmentalhealthfoundation.org/mental-health-resources/military/supporting-military-connected-kids-mental-health
- https://www.cdc.gov/aces/about/index.html
- https://www.militaryfamily.org/through-their-eyes-2024-military-teen-experience-survey-results/
- https://bobwoodrufffoundation.org/success-stories/addressing-military-childrens-mental-health/
- https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39269174/
